As Thick As Two Short Planks (Meaning & Origin!)

To be “as thick as two short planks” means simply to be very stupid. It’s a common British expression used to describe a person. It’s a fairly recent expression, not seeming to go back much further in time than the 1970s. It’s not as popular as it once was but it is still very much used and understood.

One of the most common slang expressions in just about any language is a way of expressing how stupid someone is.

British slang is rife with examples of such slang, and any British person has a plethora of examples to choose from.

Let’s find out more about this one.

What does it mean to be “as thick as two short planks”?

To be as thick as two short planks means to be extremely dim or stupid.

It’s not much more complicated than that, really.

I’ll get into where this term originates shortly, but let’s consider a few ways in which it might be used.

While its meaning is essentially simple, and it doesn’t mean anything beyond being stupid, we could say it means a particular kind of stupid.

For example, it is perhaps something more likely to be said about adults than about children.

This is, on the one hand, just a question of sensitivity to children.

But at the same time, “thick as two short planks” represents a kind of embedded aspect of someone’s nature.

Children aren’t “thick as two short planks” because they will eventually grow up and hopefully mature out of any stupidity.

Once you’ve reached adulthood and everyone still thinks of you as being “thick as two short planks”, though, the perception is that that’s it.

That’s just who you are, and there’s not much you can do about changing it.

Another thing worth mentioning is that it doesn’t have to be something said in outright mean spirits or bad nature.

Someone can be “as thick as two short planks” but still be a friend and someone you admire.

They might not be academically gifted, but they could be extremely good at a trade or otherwise talented.

Of course, it could equally be used as a direct insult in a mean-spirited way.

You shouldn’t risk using it at someone you aren’t familiar with, as they may well take it as an insult.

What does “as thick as a plank” mean?

To be as thick as a plank means the same thing as being as thick as two short planks.

The only distinction between the two expressions is how “elaborate” they both are.

“Thick as two short planks” simply adds a bit of extra flair to the expression—but they both mean the same thing.

If you aren’t British, though, you may not be familiar even with the notion of someone being “thick”.

So let’s find out more about that.

What does the British term “thick” mean?

To be thick, again, just means to be stupid.

It’s a very common British expression if perhaps not as popular as it once was.

This one is older than “thick as two short planks” as you might expect.

Again, it might be used in multiple senses—it might be a playful way of having a joke with a friend.

It can be an outright insult. Unlike “as thick as two short planks”, though, just “thick” on its own perhaps doesn’t imply the same kind of stupidity.

If someone is just thick, they might just act a bit stupid from time to time.

Where do we get the expression, then?

Where does “as thick as two short planks” come from?

We aren’t quite sure of the precise origin of this particular expression.

To be “thick” meaning stupid stretches back a long way to at least the 17^th Century.

It’s also worth mentioning that the word “plank” has also been slang for stupid in British English for rather a long time, so that could go some way to explaining it.

There are a couple of legends about its origin.

One is that the expression was at first “as thick as two shore planks”, referencing the lengths of wood attached to docks to prevent damage from boats striking them.

Another suggests that less than intelligent infantry in WWI were used as “planks” to stop artillery guns from sinking into the floor.

The problem is that we don’t really have any examples of the usage of this expression before 1970.

It’s plain that this is when the expression started being used, so a WWI origin wouldn’t quite make sense for that reason.

Idioms don’t tend to fall out of use for half a century and then come back suddenly without explanation.

It’s likely something much simpler.

Planks often start to look thicker and thicker as they get shorter.

Put two of those planks together and then you have a very thick plank.

In all likelihood, a simple explanation like this is the most probable explanation.

Unfortunately, precisely when and where it got started will likely remain a mystery.

To be as thick as two short planks, then, is just a simple slang expression meaning that someone is stupid.

There’s not much more depth to it than that. “Thick” is a fairly older expression that also means stupid, so this idiom is essentially just a way to give emphasis to this slang term.

A thick person could just be stupid—to be as thick as two short planks is to be very stupid.

More in Phrase Meanings

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• As Thick As Two Short Planks
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• Bob’s Your Uncle
• By The Skin Of Your Teeth
• Dressed To The Nines
• The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword